you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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