how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
