lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
