Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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