i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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