My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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