U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to sanitize my soul.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
