So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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