can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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