Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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