A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
