Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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