Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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