roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
