drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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