let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
