So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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