when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
