he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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