Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
