U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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