this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
