Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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