Someone shit on the floor
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
