Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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