My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
