I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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