need another drink. this is the easiest way
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
