Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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