I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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