I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
