Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
