we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
