No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize