I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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