Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
