your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize