I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
