I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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