Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
