I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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