I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
