I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
