yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
