God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
