I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
