I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
