I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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