I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
