Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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