Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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