i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
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She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal