I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween