Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head