i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY