adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
