I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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