yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
