I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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