Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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