i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
