They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
