Barsexuality is the new black.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
